Fighting Anxiety

Don't let the title fool you...although this might be a great name for a band or an album it is not so fun as part of life. So here I sit, in the middle of a great Easter party and I am fighting off an anxiety attack. I hate, hate this part of my life. Everything else I can deal with, but I can't stand that these anxiety attacks come when I am trying to have fun but I just wasn't prepared enough today to battle this one before the party got started.

I am so sick of this social anxiety. I am sick of getting so overwhelmed when I am surrounded by people who love me. I am so sick of having to psych myself into going to parties. Sometimes I think that I would rather take another illness rather than this mental/physical game that my mind plays on me. Oh well, this is the hand that I was dealt and I will deal with it. All I can do is take a breather and get my heart rate back to normal and my mind clear. And next time there is an event, I can take the steps I need to so that I can try to win the battle earlier.

Kingston Egg Hunt 2009

Somedays I am just amazed at my little nephew. While he is only 2 1/2 he sometimes shows more maturity than some adults. Today he just blew my socks off. G'ma, Popi and Mama all went with The Dude to the egg hunt in town. It was fairly crowded for our little hamlet, but not so much that kids wouldn't be able to get a pretty good share of those little plastic eggs. First, The Dude asked that we bring his puppy along. Sweet considering this puppy is only about 12 weeks old and is just a little tiny thing (much like The Dude). When we get to the park, he wanted to walk his little puppy around. Again, very sweet. And as people flocked to see this little puppy, Puck, he was proud as could be to let everyone see him and pet him. And when they asked his name he was only too happy to let them know "Hockey Puck". (Yeah, more about that name later.) Then as the egg hunt was about to begin he got his place and started to talk strategy with mama...ie where he was going to go, what to do with the eggs, etc. Then as the egg hunt started and the field crowded with kids (and their adult helpers) he was like an egg hunting machine. He was picking up the eggs left and right. Examining each one to make sure they weren't broken open. Then, without prompting, he started to hand eggs to other kids who didn't have as many in there baskets! I wanted to run up and kiss the little angel. I was amazed at how generous he was because I knew he had the concept that he was hunting for eggs in his basket, but here he was taking time to find eggs for the little guys that were younger than him or that didn't have enough. Why can't we do that more as adults? It just reminded me that so often as adults we find ourselves with our baskets full of money, time, love, knowledge. How many times have I had a full basket and not shared? Far too many to count. I hope that I remember this lesson that The Dude taught me today. I hope that I can remember to give away my eggs a little more often, even when my basket isn't full.

My very first blog. Yahoo!

So here I am joining the blogging world. I am hoping that this will help me get out all those things that I always think I should write down but don't. I've tried to keep journals before but never kept up with them. That doesn't mean I won't do well at this, just that I am going to have to stay diligent on this. Wish me luck!