No bun in the oven

Okay, so the 2 pregnancy tests I've taken so far have come back with a big fat NO. Honestly, I am both sad and relieved. I looked at this first try as a trial, an opportunity to see what worked and what didn't. I had a few surprises, but mostly it went smooth. What I did not and can not factor in is my own body.

***I'm about to get a little TMI here so if you are squeamish or just don't want to know then NOW is the time to just scan past this part of the post.*** I have not yet started the next cycle. Not totally odd for me. I miss 2-3 periods a year on average, but I can never tell when I am going to miss. Sometimes I go like 6 months in between misses and sometimes it is only like 2 cycles in between. I did not and can not factor on this when I am trying to time when to order my little swimmers. I think that I am in one of those misses right now. I tried to convince myself that it's because I am preggo, but I don't really have any symptoms.

So now what, well I just have to wait. Wait and see when the flow is going to start. Wait and test again for ovulation. This next time I will use a fertility predictor during my period. Hopefully that will help. Also, on this next one I think I am going to try and go with 2 vials to see if I can increase my chances. If that doesn't work then I am going to start trying some of the crazy sounding concoctions that others doing this same process have tried. Who knows, maybe there is something to it.

Because of this no, I've thought and rethought a lot in the last couple of weeks. Of course questioning myself about this whole thing and where I am directing my life. So many unknowns, so many questions and so few direct answers. And with that I am going to go with a bit of blind faith. I believe I am doing the right thing. I believe that whatever is supposed to happen with this process will. I believe that whatever road this takes me to is the right one.

I don't know if I posted before about this, but this is the year of MORE for me. I am going to let my hair down more, live richer, do more, be more, experience more, love more, laugh more. To that end, I am thinking that I might, just might actually start dating more...or at least attempting to. My last few outings have been unsuccessful at best and non existent at worst. I'm not making a commitment on this, but it's out there.

Ok, enough rambling J. Time to say goodnight to all the good (read 3) people who actually read this. Thanks for sharing in this with me.