Friends and blessings

I've been looking through old pics today (trying to find one to send to a friend) and was just reminded how many truly funny, smart, kind, interesting, caring, giving and amazing people I've had the honor to call my friend in the last 20+ years. All of them have a piece of my heart. All of them taught me something that has helped me on my journey. It is really a blessing that I am still in contact with so many of them. I can't imagine where I would be without having those friendships. I hope that when I look back 20 years from now I can say the same thing about the friends that I am developing relationships with now. You never know how a friend will affect your life. What you learn from them, what you truly give to them, what lasting memories you will have, what comfort they can bring you and you to them. So, in honor of all my friends I lift my glass of lemonade and say "L'Chaim!" (Oh dear can you tell I've been reading up on my Hebrew phrases. :) )

F is for Fail or better yet, for F*&K!

Insemination #2 was done at midnight on Sunday, April 10th. This would have been day 28 in my cycle....which seems late but my cycle usually is 45-48 days. Oh, except this month where it appears to be starting on day 30! Wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not cool body, not cool. So, no baby again on this try. And this is going to be my last try for a while. I'm going to move on to plan b...gastric sleeve surgery. I'm going to start filling out my financing paperwork this week and get as much prework done as I can. My hope with this is that I will be able to lose enough weight to help regulate my periods and thus making it easier to try again. This is a freaking TERRIBLE day! In the last 24 hours I've had my heart broken, a friendship in turmoil, started my period and thus discovered I am not pregnant. Well, on the bright side...this day only happens once and the day ends in 16 minutes. Here's to another "fresh" start. Another chance to do something great. (Can you tell I am really trying hard to not be bitter or upset?) Now, I'm going to cry a little...okay buckets full. And then try and sleep and then try and move on. Thanks for your love and support, everyone!

The spermcicle has arrived

So, delivery number 2 has arrived....fresh frozen sperm. Somehow this delivery wasn't quite as exciting as the first one. The first delivery was the first time I could tangibly picture what I was trying to do. It was novel. It was exciting. It was scary. It was funny. This time, I knew what to expect, what to look for and how real this process is. Even though it has been just 3 months since my last try, there have been some changes for me. One...I'm venturing (however slowly and timidly) into the "dating" world again. For now, it's been mostly online but it is a start. Second, I've become much more open about the whole process...perfect strangers have been told about my adventures with this. Third, I realized that I need to accept that if this doesn't work that I need to keep moving and make a different plan. With the idea that this process might not work the first few times I am approaching this round with some skepticism. I have a plan that if it doesn't work this time that I might have to do something a little more drastic to prepare my body for conceiving and carrying a baby. I don't want to go into details yet, but the plan B is good for my overall health as well as improving my conception chances. I also have more to consider this time as I have met someone that I am very excited about. It might be too early to tell where things are going with him, but I'm excited none the less. He has been well informed about this whole process and to my surprise, had even offered to help in any capacity he can. (Let's not discuss specifics about that here...it is a little too TMI even for me.) And while he seems fine with this, it does make me think that maybe this might not be my only opportunity to have a child. Yet, I also know that it is too early to tell what can happen and I don't want to deny myself the chance of being a parent because I've waited too long for "Mr. Right" or "the perfect time". So, the spermcicle sits in my living room in its frozen home until I get the double blue line telling me its time to inseminate. Thanks for all your support and love and good wishes. I appreciate it more than you can know.